Unsettled Regret

“So that’s it? You think we’re just going to shake hands… and part ways?”

“No,” `his partner said as they stood on the hill. One of them was going to join the caravan party on the march, while the other back to the village. The one back to the village was not happy to see his friend leave- to leave him here, to just abandon everything they had built? It didn’t seem right. “Obviously the debt has not been settled. But we will meet again, to finalize this. Not everything gets paid in full up front, brother. Sometimes you have to wait for the full circle to come along to get the payoff.”

And with that, the brother was gone. Skating his way out of that labor, that cost, yet again… and he had just let him. Always this one, always him having to wait for it, while his brother was able to escape, to be free. He wanted nothing but to be free, from the shackles he sometimes felt this village held. He had done it, once; he had stood on that very same hill, determined to run away, but the shackles kept him there. This brother only needed a break in order to find happiness; but the other, the one who joined the caravan, always felt the need to screw someone over, to disrupt the still waters… Why? Why, for mighty heaven’s sake, could he not ever see it through?

This brother stalked back to the village that held him back. This was a life he had built, and he could not see himself abandoning it all like that cheat had. He felt whole and complete here, but as he walked through the streets alone, without his brother, he felt that he was still owed something. He slumped on a porch of someone he didn’t know, looking out at the world, his world. They may have all been content, but he didn’t feel that way, not complacent with this world. He wanted more, but he wasn’t sure what “more” meant.

So restlessness plagued him, as his watched the children playing. Ache and envy and lust for his brother’s fate, as he slouched on the porch, the awning casting an oppressing shadow onto him; he would never make his peace here. As much as he loathed those who were content to live and die here, he was mixed with the confusion as he wondered what he truly wanted.

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